Starting college in about 3 weeks...how crazy is that? Im moving out!! I can't believe it... I have to say, I'm very nervous. DUH, i think everybody must be. I just have this image of myself, like a dream, (i swear i see my life in commercials or movie clips) I see myself walking to class in sweaters, skinny jeans, ballet flats, my shiny tote bag, long hair flowing...waving hi to people, laughing with my amazing new friends...acing tests...studying in my favorite sweats, laundry nights with the roomies, baking on sundays...parties, birthday dinners on dixon, ahhh...if my life is like that, i have every reason to be excited, don't i? I don't even think I'm being very far fetched, am i? Its completely possible for me to have great friends, and skinny legs, and to be confident, and love my life! I think so. I promise to myself that i will have a great time :)

Beliefs.

I believe in magic. I believe that you can make magic happen all by yourself. I also believe in being selfish, and that most of the time its best to just suit yourself. I believe in solitude, and the impact of a good, long, enveloping thought which doubles, unfolds, and continues in complexity. I believe in believing, that's what i'm saying. Just to believe in something, whether it be God, truth, cheese, cows, art, whatever. I believe in the satisfaction and ruby slippers effect that a belief can enable. When all is lost, or brutally distracting, your belief has the power to take you home, to a familiar place.

JOURNAL?

Im hungry. I just ate pizza but I'm still so hungry! This whole week i havent been able to satisfy my stomach...I ate an entire funnel cake yesterday. Im disgusting.
Im tired. I haven't done a thing all day but i'm still so tired. Im lazy as.
Im somewhat sad...I miss where I used to live, I dont know who the hell I am or even what I enjoy anymore. All I do is please others and let them push me around.

Snow Day.

Well, this is my second snow day in a row.
Yesterday I soaked up the laziness slugging around the house and watched four movies and ate about seven meals.
Today, i forced myself to do something "productive" which actually turned out quite nicely! I went upstairs, hot coffee in hand, plopped onto the window seat, wrapped myself up in a sweet Union Jack blanket and cracked the spine of my ACT Prep book. MMmm. I opened the blind, where i was blinded (haha, punny) by the snow outside! A beautiful sight. In a bit, im going out with my fisheye lensed camera to take some nice photo's,
But anyway, after some hardcore studying and doodling in the book...
I decided that this summer, Im going to make a short film (about what? You ask. I have no godly idea) and conduct a social experiment, documented on camera. Im rather excited !
Well now, im typing away, listening to Sufjan on Pandora and becoming increasingly excited for the book I just ordered from Barnes and Noble.
I ordered the book, Never Let Me Go. I watched the film yesterday, starring the wonderful Andrew Garfield, Carey Mulligan, and Keira Knightley. I cried like a BABY.
One of the most beautiful, heartbreaking films that I've ever seen.
Its an alternate reality film, about cloned children who are raised in a boarding school to be doners. The life expectancy in this reality is exceeding 100 and they dont have cancer anymore, thanks to the doners. But the doners grow up, and complete (die) after their fourth donation. Anyway, the three main characters have a sort of love triangle and the two that were meant to be together the whole time only get together a few months before one of them completes. Its so so so sad. And corrupt, the poor children are raised to be one thing and one thing only, they don't get to live even though they are alive. At the end, the main character, Cathy says something along the lines of "Our lives, don't seem much different from the lives of those we save." Which to me is her saying, the doners also feel and love. Ah. Amazing stuff.
p.s an explanation of the pictures above, Andrew Garfield...beautiful actor. And a cute ice cream picture by Andy Warhol..

Chris.

So, for my AP Language and Composition class, we are required to read a non fiction book this quarter. I decided upon "Into the Wild" by John Krakauer.
Im only about half way through at the moment, and it's very interesting.
I love Chris or "Alex" McCandless.
The book itself is like a giant news article, and I adore the quotes at the beginning of the chapters. All quotes that inspired Chris on his journey.
He took is trip into the wild, all alone. I understand why, he just felt like college and school and all the money was leading to an inevitable destiny. At least, this is my interpretation.
The thing that makes me sad, is that he took this trip alone and was reluctant to have any company which lead to his death.
But i really, really respect the guy. He set out to do what he wanted and by the time of his death..accomplished something more than having a career. He felt the freedom and simplicity of just living. Living, LIVING. When I say living, i don't mean that in a "Party, yeah lets live a little!!!" I mean it as in the plain, raw, sense. He breathed, walked, ate, drank, and thought. He lived, just literally. Which is something I doubt I could do. But Chris felt this was what he needed to do. And he DID it.
If he hadn't have taken his venture into the wild he could be sitting at a desk somewhere, wondering what he was missing.
Instead, he for-filled his goal. But unfortunately, by chance, died.
What a guy.

25 Things.

1. Just looked at my legs, their pretty dry. Just thought i'd throw that out there.
2. I love movies. I watch them, observe, connect, and sigh when they end.
3. I think i want to make movies.
4. But I also really want to be a journalist..
5. Fashion, music, or film journalist.
6. Music gets me through. Heck, it gets EVERYONE through.
7. I choose not to judge what's good music. I love the music that I enjoy and would wish that same love upon everyone else.
8. My favorite movie is without-a-doubt Marie Antoinette by Sofia Coppola.
9. I want to be her. Sofia that is.
10. Wes Anderson's got a beautiful mind. And I don't know him.
11. Im always afraid of looking like a poser. Though I know i'm not.
12. What is a poser? Really.
13. Clothes and jewelry make me so happy.
14. I hate that I can be really snobby sometimes.
15. Im pretty good at photography. But I dont show that off.
16. HARRY POTTER :)
17. When im sad or indecisive...I pay a visit to Coldplay.
18. Can I marry Andrew Garfield?
19. Girls are really mean.
20. I want meet people, learn about them, hear their story and then tell it.
21. Or visit a place, emmerce myself there, and report back!
22. I wish ,almost every day, that I still lived in England. Where I could have gotten the best education.
23. I cry in movies all the time. I kinda like it.
24. Singing's so much fun.
25. I would trade my new coach bag and all my shoes for a group of friends just like in the show, "Friends"

Lovely Words

"If you can spend a perfectly useless afternoon in a perfectly useless manner, you have learned how to live."
-Lin Yutang

"In the midst of winter, I found there was within me, an invincible summer."
-Albert Camus

"Our life is frittered away by detail. Simplify, simplify."
-Henry David Thoreau

"Now and then its good to pause in our pursuit of happiness and just be happy."
-Guillaume Apollinaire

"The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely, or unhappy is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quiet, alone with the heavens, nature, and God. Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be."
-Anne Frank